Embrace the Suck

In the world constructed around the new reality that is COVID-19 and it’s ramifications, we are all learning what is truly important in our lives. Readers have reached out to let me know how much my books have helped them through these horrible times, and I’m honored and humbled that I can be a part of bringing joy and escape in whatever way I can. It is this escape that we all are searching for and, for me, something I want to carry into a healthier future.

My goal right now is to jog and create healthy coping mechanisms. It may surprise you that I’m not a runner. I don’t have what anyone would assume was a runner’s body, shape, or type. And yet, for years I have tried to do the jogging shuffle—if you're wondering, I liken it to painting a house…sloppy, slow, it may be be kinda ugly, but in the end a goal is achieved. Each time I get to a goal I’m proud of my achievements, but then life happens and I find myself being thrown back to the place in which I started (this moment normally involves an illness and too many Cheetos, but not always).

Yesterday, I started to run. My goal was to jog two (molasses-speed) miles.

I can do this. I thought.

I repeated my mantra all the way to the end of my driveway, then the mailbox. One hundred yards in and I was already tired. I wanted to quit. I didn’t think I could make a half a mile let alone two.

All the negative thoughts poured into my mind: What am I thinking? This is a stupid goal.

Nothing is chasing me. Why does anyone do this?

I’m not a runner. I’m too chunky to be doing this.

This doesn’t feel good. My thighs are rubbing and my butt is jiggling.

So-and-so can run this in fifteen minutes. It’s going to take me hours. This is stupid.

I’m a writer, only a writer. Let’s leave the bodybuilding to athletes.

There’s no way I can ever do this. I’m not strong enough.

I’m just going to hurt myself.

I almost stopped. I almost let all the negative thoughts win. But I looked ahead at the corner in front of me. All I had to do was make it to the corner, then I would reassess. The corner came and went.

Yes, I did it! Goal One achieved. That little win empowered me. No one knew about it, no one knew the struggle that was going on inside me, no one saw the win. I kept going. Soon one corner became two corners, then one mile. Yes, I can quit now. I only really wanted to see if I could jog a mile.

But those little achievements…I loved them. Sure, my body was tight and tired, but I have been reading David Goggins #CantHurtMe and studying the world of Special Operations for my upcoming books. What makes these heroes find the strength to power through the negative self-talk and just keep powering on? I contemplated the meaning of determination, strength of character and will, of goals larger than ourselves, lessons I wanted to teach my kids, and the power that comes from doing more than we think we can.

Yes, my body hurt.

Then, it started to rain. Not the little, refreshing drips that mist your face and make you want to look to the sky. Instead, the rain pounded down upon me as it tried to pierce through my will. The negative thoughts returned.

I’m cold.

How am I going to get home?

What if I slip in a puddle and get hurt?

People are watching, judging.

I’m going to get sick. And for what?

My FitBit buzzed, somehow I’d gone the two miles.

Huh…I wasn’t as tired as I thought I would be at this point. Again, I found myself making a little goal. Maybe I could push myself to the next telephone pole. If I was really, truly tired I could stop then. Goal achieved, win, and I could live the rest of the day with the knowledge that I had completed my initial goal.

I thought about my friends in #SpecOps and all their talk of “embracing the suck". I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read and heard about the power of embracing what we don’t like and how, once we can just deal with the reality we are presented with, we can find strength we didn’t know we had.

It is this time that we must embrace the suck, find the strength.

It is a misnomer to say that we are all in the same boat. We are not. We are all in the same storm. Reality is pelting us, our inner-voices may be telling us all the reasons we have to give up and kowtow, and we are all trying to find our new way in a new world. We are starting over in so many ways.

What have we learned? What can we teach future generations? Oh, there are so many big questions.

And yet, just like a big goal, it all seems overwhelming. We want to quit, we want to hide, we want to struggle privately. It’s all okay.

How can we get past the negative within ourselves?

1. Embrace the suck. Yes, reality sucks sometimes.

2. Make a big goal. The bigger the better.

3. Start your journey. Take one step toward that HUGE goal.

4. Break it into doable chunks. Once you make the corner, celebrate the achievement, then look toward the next corner.

5. If you stumble and trip, that is okay, but keep moving toward that next achievement. Sometimes this means that you have to embrace the new suck, but it is what it is. Accept the reality, move forward.

6. Don’t look back. We don’t live backwards, we don’t read backwards, so why do we get trapped in the world of could have and would have and should have? Keep your story, keep your world, keep your goals all moving forward.

7. Celebrate the wins. All the wins. Big ones, small ones and everything between. These wins are what empower us. If we don’t acknowledge them, then did they ever really happen? No, it isn’t possible that we have done great things.

8. Know that by taking small steps you will reach the small goals. All of a sudden, your big goal is achieved.

It is impossible not to be negative. There is no such thing as perfect. Let’s just live our lives by focusing on the little things we can do to make ourselves better and, in turn, the world better. When we are empowered, we empower others. I will keep writing books, one thousand words at a time (my doable goal each and every day) so I can build a book…a book you can read one chapter at a time, a book that will help us all heal. We shall achieve.

In the end, I ran nearly five miles before my hubs came looking for me in the car. I’ve never been happier to see a ratty, old Jeep. We celebrated the win together with high-fives while sweat burned my eyes thanks to the rivulets of rain that poured from my hair. I was a hot mess, definitely an ugly paint job, but I had achieved something I never thought myself capable.

Now, it’s your turn. What do you want to achieve? How can you break this into doable chunks? How will you embrace the suck?

Let’s work together and create a new, better future.